Reality Check
by Admiral
Summary: A re-writing of all the crap in the latest season of "Enterprise".
1. Rank and Privilege

**DISCLAIMER:** _Enterprise, Star Trek and all related characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The original characters and events are the sole property of the author and may not be used without permission._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** It's always been my contention that "Star Trek", no matter what series or movie you're talking about, has never been better than the pilot episode "The Cage". I had high hopes that "Enterprise" would be the one to break that pattern when I watched the First Season. Then I watched the Second Season, during which it almost turned into a Next Generation clone. I was hoping they'd get their act together when they foreshadowed the story arc for the Third Season. Now that the Third Season is mostly in the can, I feel I must comment.

Memo to the Writers of "Enterprise":

**PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW JACK ABOUT WARFARE SHOULDN'T WRITE WAR STORIES!!!!**

The purpose of this fic is to address some of the incredibly stupid things I've seen since this season started in relation to the Xindi Threat story arc. To set the stage, let's assume that one of those reality-warping nodule thingies alters reality around the ship just enough so that everybody grows a brain. The following is how some events this season might have looked after the transformation.

**"REALITY CHECK" by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE**

**"Rank and Privilege"**

"I can't believe I have to take time out to do this," Captain Jonathan Archer said in disgust as he paced in front of the two officers standing at attention in his quarters, "but apparently I haven't been paying enough attention to interactions among the crew." With that he stopped pacing and took a good long look into the faces of the other men, cataloging every bruise and scar he found there.

Lieutenant Malcolm Reed cleared his throat. "Permission to speak, Sir?"

"Make it good." Archer said.

"I understand that you're upset, Captain, but you may rest assured that this will never happen again."

"Oh, really? And just how do you plan to guarantee that?"

"By assuring you that we have settled our differences and as such there will be no further altercations of this nature between us."

"I see. Are you making the same guarantee, Major?"

Major Hayes, the ranking Military Assault Command officer aboard, straightened up even further and answered: "Yes, Sir. The lieutenant and I have settled our differences and will do nothing more to disrupt the operation of this ship or the successful completion of our mission."

Archer glared at Hayes for a moment. It was just the type of answer he expected from both of them, but they were both dancing around the crux of the problem. The Captain went back to pacing as he asked: "And just what were these 'differences' that you two settled with this little dust-up?"

Reed and Hayes hesitated, trying to come up with a suitable response. Finally Reed said: "It's really not worth mentioning, Sir..."

"I happen to think that a disagreement that inspires my chief Security officers to beat each other senseless is more than worth mentioning!" Archer fumed. "But since I knew neither of you would tell me what the problem was I decided to do a little investigating of my own. It's a small ship, and I was sure that I'd get the answers that I needed after I asked a few people some questions, starting with T'Pol. Apparently, what we have here is a failure to clearly spell out some boundaries." He stopped directly in front of Reed and looked the Tactical officer right in the eye. "Mister Reed, In the Royal Navy who outranks who: A Navy Leftenant or a Marine Major?"

Reed was taken aback by the question, but a family history of Royal Navy service made the answer automatic. "The Marine Major, Sir."

Without looking away from Reed, Archer asked: "Major Hayes, in the US Navy who outranks who: A Navy Lieutenant or a Marine Major?"

Hayes didn't miss a beat. "The Marine Major, Sir."

"Mister Reed," Archer said, "define your duties as the ship's Tactical officer."

"My duties are to defend the ship against enemy threats, maintain internal security and safeguard the crew."

"Major Hayes, define your duties as commander of the MACO detachment aboard."

"Sir, my mission is to deal with any hostile surface threats we may encounter during the course of this mission."

Archer took a deep breath at that, then stepped back just enough so that he could look at both officers at once. "Fine. So let's make those boundaries _crystal_ clear. Lieutenant Reed will handle spaceborne threats, boarders and maintaining the peace aboard ship. Major Hayes will deal with Away Team security and planet-bound threats. Lieutenant Reed will provide any assistance Major Hayes requires to carry out his duties without hesitation. If he should need the Major to reciprocate, Reed will ask for Hayes's help."

"'Ask', Sir?" Reed said.

Archer got in the Brit's face. "Yes, Malcolm, _ASK_! And say 'Please', and 'Thank You', because Hayes OUTRANKS YOU! And there'll be no more pissing contests about who's in charge of Security around here. If the problem's on the ground Hayes is in charge! End of Story! If the problem's on the ship it's your call, but Hayes is well within his rights to suggest changes in your procedures! You may disagree - RESPECTFULLY - but if the Major feels at any time that the safety of the ship requires that you do as he wants, he may order you to make those changes, and you WILL follow that order, without any bitching, moaning, whining, equivocating, kvetching or flat out doing anything that gets on the Major's nerves! Do I make myself clear, LIEUTENANT Reed?"

"As crystal, Sir." Reed said, managing not to choke on the words.

Archer stepped back one final time. "NOW your differences are settled. Dis-missed!"

Hayes turned sharply on his heel and marched out of the cabin. He was followed a moment later by a chastened Reed, who proceeded without a word to the Bridge.

To his credit, the Major, ready to bust out laughing, didn't even smile until he got back to his quarters.

* * *

**FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This first chapter was inspired by something I saw Hayes do after the episode where he and Reed fought. Hayes called Reed "Sir".

This is pure B.S.! No matter what standard you use Hayes Outranks Reed, period, and as such there is no law on Earth that obligates him to call his subordinate "Sir," much less take all the crap Reed has been dishing out to him since the MACOs came aboard! The only reason this is an issue at all is that "Enterprise's" writers care more about dramatic conflict than they do about accurately depicting something as BASIC as rank structure, which is kind of a big technical shortcoming since they're writing a WAR STORY!


	2. Chain of Command

**DISCLAIMER:** _Enterprise, Star Trek and all related characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The original characters and events are the sole property of the author and may not be used without permission._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Since we're going to touch on the same subject here, let me answer some of the responses for the last chapter:

Jenna called it perfectly. It doesn't matter if we're talking about two different services with two different missions. It doesn't matter if they come from two different countries or two completely different civilizations. It doesn't matter if one isn't a military organization. It doesn't matter what Starfleet Command "wanted", or what "Enterprise's" writers "intended". As long as both Starfleet and the Military Assault Command use Western Military Style Rank Structures (and they do, and Starfleet ALWAYS has), then ranks in one organization will have equivalent ranks in the other. Hayes is equivalent to a Starfleet Lt. Commander. Lt. Commander beats Lieutenant. Hayes outranks Reed. Period. End of Debate. And since Hayes outranks Reed, no matter what convoluted BS the Writers, Starfleet, Archer or anyone else comes up with for explaining why Hayes should follow Reed's orders, there is No Law On Earth (or any other planet for that matter) that would require Hayes to call Reed "Sir". He has, and this not just an honest mistake on the writers' part. This is evidence of a blatant disregard for reality and an insult to the viewers' intelligence.

Why do I say that? In the "Deep Space Nine" Dominion War Story Arc, when several Cardassians wanted to revolt against Dominion control of their empire they asked the Federation for advisors to help plan and run an insurgency. The Federation turned to the Bajoran Militia, and the chief advisor the Militia offered was Kira Nerys. Since the Federation was worried that Cardassians wouldn't accept help from a Militia soldier, they gave Kira a Starfleet Commission as a full Commander. Commander is equivalent to the rank she was promoted to when Sisko left, which was Lt. Colonel. Two different organizations, two different missions, two different civilizations, yet since both Starfleet and the Militia used rank structures any American, Brit, Canadian, Australian, New Zealander, etc. would easily recognize, Starfleet was able to take Kira into the chain of command while maintaining her rank, authority and privileges.

That means that there is at least One Star Trek Creator around that understands everything I've been saying. It is the height of illogic to assume he managed to keep all this secret from the rest of Star Trek's staff, or that none of the others are capable of figuring it out for themselves. Hayes deserves all the respect he would get from Reed if Reed were a MACO at his current rank. He hasn't gotten it, and a truly realistic depiction of the outcome of their clash would have Reed facing demotion, or time in the brig, or BOTH for some of the crap he's pulled.

With all that in mind, I offer the following alternate scene...

**"REALITY CHECK", by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE**

**"Chain of Command"**

She would never admit it, of course, but T'Pol was experiencing what was, to her, an extreme bout of discomfort. When she first joined the ENTERPRISE's crew she had expected to be subject to an inordinate amount of interest on the part of the Humans she'd be working with. She'd never sought the attention, naturally, and was inwardly glad for two things: Humans adapted quickly enough in some circumstances that she would eventually cease to be a novelty, and until then the Humans' curiosity would be divided between her and Phlox.

No such comforts were available to her in this instance. She was the center of everyone's attention now - including Phlox - by Captain Jonathan Archer's design. The event about to take place demanded it. The Crew's Mess was cleared so that all non-essential personnel could attend the ceremony. Archer and T'Pol were standing at the center of the room, surrounded by the rest of the crew. The Captain was giving a speech, but T'Pol was lost in her thoughts and was tuning him out.

She'd protested what was about to happen, but Archer had been adamant about doing it. She'd tried to use logic to make her case, but - surprisingly - his argument had been just as logical. In fact it was more logical, since she'd eventually given in to it.

Suddenly she felt an itch, and it took all of her self-control not to scratch it. She wondered idly how long it would take for her to adjust to wearing a Starfleet Uniform. The blue jumpsuit was certainly looser than her usual garments, but that didn't necessarily make it more comfortable.

"SubCommander T'Pol." Archer said. T'Pol came to full attention in front of him, putting her thoughts aside. As of this moment, none of them mattered. She looked him square in the eye as he continued.

"For faithful and diligent service to this ship and her crew, by the authority vested in me as Captain of the Earth Starship ENTERPRISE, I hereby award you a commission in Starfleet and a promotion to the rank of Commander, with all rights and privileges attaining."

With that, Archer came closer and proceeded to attach three rank bars to the collar of her uniform. The bars were provided by Trip Tucker. When he found out what Archer was planning he'd immediately offered his spares as a gift.

When he was done, Archer stepped back and offered his hand. "Congratulations, Commander." He said with a smile.

T'Pol took the hand and shook it. That's when the gathering erupted in applause. When they broke T'Pol turned to face the audience. She bowed her head lightly in response to the smiles and cheers all around her. For the moment she was at a loss as to what else to do. She couldn't recall ever being the recipient of such adulation, and even then Vulcan accolades were hardly so...boisterous.

"Thank you." She said to everyone in a strong, clear voice. This caused the applause to die down. "I'm grateful for your appreciation and respect, and am honored to be counted as a member of such a fine crew. Company - As You Were."

The First Officer had spoken. The gathering broke up with some parting well wishes for T'Pol as the crew returned to their respective posts. A few lagged behind to offer more personal congratulations. One was Ensign Hoshi Sato.

"So, how does it feel to officially be the First Vulcan in Starfleet?" Sato said, then regretted her choice of words. "Sorry. I guess 'How does it feel' is kind of a silly question, huh?"

"On the contrary." T'Pol said. The idea that she didn't feel at all - rather than suppressed what feelings she had - was a common misconception among Humans. "As I said, I feel honored and grateful. I am also somewhat apprehensive."

"Why?"

"When he first made his intention to give me a commission plain, I reminded him of his reluctance to have me on his ship when we first met, and that several members of the crew shared that reluctance at the time. Now it is not just a matter of a single ship. Starfleet has never had a non-Human member in its history. Being the first is an honor, but it is only a welcome honor if the Humans that I work with are willing to accept me as a peer."

"But we already accept you here. For this crew there is no real adjustment to make. You're one of us, plain and simple. All the uniform does is seal the deal."

T'Pol gave Sato a curious look. "That is almost exactly what Captain Archer said."

Sato gave T'Pol a wide grin. "I always knew he was smart."

As Sato and T'Pol talked, Archer accompanied Tucker to the Engine Room. "You're sure you're okay with this, Trip?"

"It's like I said before, Cap'n," Tucker said, "being First Officer is a full time job, and I already have one of those. T'Pol's been doin' hers for the past couple of years now. It's about time she had a rank commensurate with her duties." Besides, he wouldn't say, now that he and T'Pol were the same rank their massage therapy sessions wouldn't feel quite so much like "unlawful fraternization" to him anymore.

"I should've done it sooner." Archer said. "Maybe she would have felt more comfortable dealing with the situation between Malcolm and Hayes before it got to me."

"Well, it's done now. An' I don't think either of you will have any trouble with Malcolm from now on."

"Have I got your word on that?"

"I don't know what you said to him, but he seemed to be a might upset when I spoke to him last. Still, he also sounded like he was willing to be a team player for the rest of the mission." When they reached Engineering, Tucker said: "Was there somethin' you wanted me to do, Cap'n?"

"I need your input." Archer said. "We may be facing more serious attacks soon, and there are a few things about the ship that have been bothering me..."

* * *

**FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:** The second he found out that T'Pol was giving up her Vulcan commission to serve in ENTERPRISE on the mission to the Expanse he should have taken her aside, handed her a jumpsuit and rank pins and said "Welcome to the Club." There should have been no debate of any kind.

ENTERPRISE is a ship at war. Keeping T'Pol as First Officer in her current status is tantamount to making a Civilian from a Neutral Country Executive Officer of a U.S. Aircraft Carrier on its way to the Persian Gulf. Nothing like that has ever happened in reality and it never will.

The First Officer/First Mate/Executive Officer of any ship has a primary function: It is his/her job to maintain loyalty and discipline among the crew. How can Archer to trust T'Pol to do that job when, with no official ties to him or the crew, he can't even guarantee he'll receive loyalty and discipline from her? (Remember, in "Damage" T'Pol admitted to shooting up a substance that A) Makes Vulcans Crazy and B) the ship needs to survive the Expanse.)

And before anyone says it, Yes, it would mean that we would no longer see Jolene Blaylock in the Pretty Pastel Catsuits, but we already know from "Twilight" that she still looks hot in a Starfleet jumpsuit, so let's get her in one already.


	3. Countermeasures

**DISCLAIMER:** _Enterprise, Star Trek and all related characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The original characters and events are the sole property of the author and may not be used without permission._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Is it just me, or do Starfleet ships tend to get their butts kicked with alarming regularity?

**"REALITY CHECK", by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE**

**"Countermeasures"**

"So let's run through everything." Captain Archer said.

The senior officers of the ENTERPRISE were gathered in the Tactical Command Center. Various images of the ship were projected on the four screens, including a detailed 3-D rendering and several cutaway schematics. Vital information was displayed in text alongside the images. Each officer would work the controls to alter the images as he or she spoke.

Lieutenant Reed started off. "You call for a 'Tactical Alert.' Hull is polarized, phase cannons are deployed, torpedo tubes are loaded and ready, Security teams deploy to secure vital areas of the ship."

Commander T'Pol spoke next. "Main Sensors are switched from wide field scan to narrow field targeting. Scanning duration is limited to three seconds, long enough to scan at full power, record the resultant data and use the targeting computers to project target track, yet too short to be effectively jammed by the attacker."

Then Ensign Sato. "All off-board transmissions cease. Contact with Away Teams, Shuttlepods and Subspace Relays is broken off. Further transmissions are limited to coded messages sent in one-way bursts."

Ensign Mayweather. "We immediately go to Evasive Maneuvers, making sure the ship's smallest target profile is pointed toward the attacker. If we're in orbit, we head directly for the Night Side of the planet and try to keep the battle in the Cone of Darkness."

Dr. Phlox. "Sick Bay is prepared to receive multiple serious casualties. Emergency Medical Teams are put on standby assignment and made ready to deploy throughout the ship."

Major Hayes. "MACO teams deploy to the Shuttlepod Bay and the Transporter Room fully armed and ready to disembark in case ground operations are necessary. The remainder are put on alert and made ready to assist in securing the ship."

Commander Tucker finished off. "Lighting is cut off in every cabin aboard with a view to space. Running lights are shut down. Power to the nacelles is cut off, but can be re-established if we need to go to Warp quickly. The Bussard Collectors are turned off. That darkens most of the ship. The Main Deflector is switched from constant wide-field deflection to pulsed, narrow-field deflection."

Archer took a good look at the displays once everyone was done. The 3-D image made it look like the ship was dead in space. With power cut to the Warp nacelles and Bussard Collectors the familiar red and blue glows characteristic of the ship's propulsion system ceased. The little dots of Black he could see were startling. It had been years since he'd seen darkness through every window in his line of sight. Even the large running light behind the Main Deflector was off. That made the usually barely-visible dish almost completely invisible. It was just about perfect.

There was just one flaw, but it was big. "I don't suppose there's anything we can do about the Impulse Engines?" Archer said, studying the light blue glow from the impulse exhaust.

"Not without turning them off completely," Tucker said, "which would wreck our maneuverability. To get the effect you want without sacrificing performance they'd have to be completely redesigned and rebuilt. Maybe I can play with the specific impulse frequency so that the ambient light effect isn't so strong, but no promises."

Archer nodded as he turned his attention to the display that showed Reed and Hayes's deployment plans. With this pattern there'd be no more Search and Destroy missions in the corridors. Squads of armed crew members would be standing by in all the spaces boarders were most likely to head to: The Bridge, Engineering, the Transporter Room, the Shuttlepod Bay and the Tactical Command Center they were in right now. Anyone attempting to take the ship would simply run into a wall of suppressive fire.

Next he examined the display that showed the ship's various emissions. With the sensors and deflector modified and comms shut down, ENTERPRISE didn't radiate anywhere near as much electromagnetic energy as usual.

"Any other suggestions, comments?" Archer said.

"We'll have to modify the weapons, of course." Reed said. "They're all programmed to receive constant targeting cues from the sensors."

"Fixing that won't be mechanically difficult," Tucker said, "but it will be time-consuming, and eat up a lot of spare components. We need to give the phase cannons and photonic torpedoes the ability to remember and optically track a target."

"Do it." Archer said. "Anyone else?"

"I don't suppose we could repaint the hull?" Hayes said to no one in particular.

"Not the whole hull." Tucker said. "Not enough paint."

"We don't need to do the whole hull." Hayes said. He then worked the screen controls to zoom in on the 3-D image to show surface detail. "See? These patterns were added to the paint scheme to break the ship up visually, right?"

Everyone looked at the screen. At this magnification the shaded areas of the hull were clearly defined. "Right." Archer said. "What are you thinking?"

"Let's break it up further. We make as much of the dark areas as we can darker with the paint we have left."

"So we'd end up with some sort of camouflage pattern?" Reed said.

"Exactly that. With everything else we're doing to decrease the ship's visual profile that can only help."

Archer thought about it for a moment, then smiled. "Not bad. T'Pol, aren't we near a small Star System?"

"Approximately one day away at Warp Three." T'Pol said.

"Then we'll head there, find a nice moon to hide behind and make the necessary modifications. I want to begin drills as soon as possible afterwards to get the crew familiar with these new procedures and work out the bugs. Anything else?"

No one else had anything to say.

"Okay, let's get to work."

The senior officers filed out of the Command Center and went to take care of their respective tasks. Before he left, Archer took one last look at the tactical plans they had worked out. He would have preferred something more...magical, like a device that would just turn the whole ship invisible, like those Romulans they'd encountered had, but ENTERPRISE hadn't been built with such a device, so he had to make do with what he had.

He just hoped these measures would make future attacks less exciting for his crew and much less profitable for the enemy.

With that thought he left for the Bridge.

* * *

**FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:** There are LOTS of things that are flawed about Star Trek's design philosophy, too many to address in chapters as short as I intend to make these, but I can tell you that many of them are rooted in the designers' almost pathological need to turn every ship into a flying Christmas Tree. Each successive Starship class seems to possess a number of inherently stealthy characteristics (CONSTITUTION's broken-up structure, GALAXY's curvature, SOVEREIGN's backsweep, NX-01's small profile), but these are usually totally negated by the high-beam anti-collision beacons, cosmically-powered scanners, high-energy deflectors, subspace transponders, bright white and light blue paint jobs and a million and one useless windows! The Federation may never have a cloaking device of its own, but if it's not going to have better weapons or a more aggressive combat policy then it should at least work harder on avoiding hostile contacts, and its ships might be better able to do that if they turned off all the freaking lights and painted them a dark color once in a while.


	4. Intelligence

**DISCLAIMER:** _Enterprise, Star Trek and all related characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The original characters and events are the sole property of the author and may not be used without permission._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** First, to head off what I expect will be some peoples' response to this chapter, Yes, I know the season is over, but since the show is coming back next year, the problems displayed in the show this year are still valid, because the same writers are coming back with it.

And let me respond specifically to "zippy" who seems to be fuzzy on the concept of a nitpick. A "nitpick" is a commentary on a flaw that doesn't necessarily detract from the substance of a story. For instance, if I were to mention that I noticed in a couple of eps the make-up people failed to properly disguise Jolene Blaylock's real eyebrows (and as such T'Pol looked like she had two sets of them, one dominant and one recessive) THAT would be a nitpick.

Nothing I've mentioned in this fic can be considered that trivial specifically because of the nature of "Enterprise: Season 3". The Xindhi Story Arc was essentially a WAR STORY. Earth was attacked. Millions of people were killed. ENTERPRISE was recalled from her exploration mission and given a TACTICAL one: "Find Who Did It And Stop Them From Doing It Again, Or From Doing Worse". Under those circumstances some story flaws that might seem unimportant when the ship is off "Exploring Strange New Worlds" become very important when the ship is sent to "Stop People Trying To Kill Us"!

The Rank flaw is therefore not a nitpick. On the front line you follow the orders of your superiors and give orders to your subordinates in order to achieve the goals defined by the mission. This is hard to do if you aren't sure who you're superiors and subordinates are, and especially difficult if someone who should be your subordinate acts like your superior and is not schooled by your mutual superiors on the errors of his ways. The pissing contest between Reed and Hayes should not have lasted past the first ep, much less most of the season, because anybody with a brain can tell Hayes Outranked Reed. The fact that Hayes resolved it by subordinating himself to Reed speaks volumes about four characters: It says that T'Pol is incapable of doing her job as First Officer, which is to maintain discipline among the ranks. It says that Archer is so damn anguished about being a warship commander instead of a glorified astronaut that he can't actively step in and solve an internal dispute that might ultimately jeopardize his ship and his crew. It says that Reed is a pussy, who is so insecure about his standing as an Officer and a Man he can't abide the presence of someone aboard with a similar function that does not answer to him directly. And it says that Hayes, out of all these people, was the only one putting the success of the mission above his insecurities, his angst and his pride. The fact that the writers let this little soap opera drag on through the bulk of the season, and didn't truly solve it until the end (with Hayes's death, of course. No ranking officer, no problem for Reed. Yay, Reed. (Pussy...)) is more than just an unimportant problem. It is a blatant and persistent disregard for realism and common sense and therefore an insult to the viewer's intelligence. T'Pol's position as First Officer is another example of this disregard. Nations going to war do not make Civilians from Neutral Countries ranking officers on their ships. Period. They get battlefield commissions or they get sent home. T'Pol should not have been "considering" joining Starfleet at the end of the season. Archer should have put her in it before they departed Earth Orbit. The fact that he didn't is something else that calls into question Archer's competence as a commander.

And I shouldn't have to explain why Starfleet's design philosophy is not a minor problem. Look at the situation: The ship is heading into an uncharted area of space dominated by a race that can build continent-gouging Death Asteroids and cross distances via "warp vortexes" in minutes that it would take Earth ships weeks to cover, which is in turn sponsored by a race that can see the future and distort reality. Would you seriously want to go into a situation where you are already hopelessly outmanned and outgunned riding in a ship lit so brightly and radiating so powerfully that a blind man in a cave on the surface of a gas giant could track it"

Again, no nitpicks here. These are all serious indications of a writing and production staff that has let sloppiness and whimsy cloud their work simply because they're sure that brainwashed fans - like zippy - will simply accept and digest everything they dish out without question. Want more proof" Recall the episode that inspired the following:

**"REALITY CHECK", by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE**

**"Intelligence"**

She stood there, fearful, apologetic, looking into the angry eyes of Captain Archer. He was standing at the other end of the corridor with a phase pistol in his hand and aimed at her chest. There was an awkward silence in the air, a long moment of quiet tension that threatened to drive her insane. Finally, desperate to know what he was thinking, she found her voice.

"I had no choice." She said.

Archer's mouth twisted up as he acknowledged her statement with a grunt.

"They told me that if I didn't help them they'd attack my world." She continued. "I had to do it."

Archer's fingers flexed around the handgrip as his face reverted to a frown.

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone!" She said. "T'Pol would be fine if she hadn't resisted! And now I know they were wrong about you. I can tell from what I've seen..."

Archer adjusted his grip so that he could check the setting on the phase pistol without moving his whole arm. It was set for "Kill". Once he was sure of that, he took aim and fired.

The phase beam hit her right between the eyes. Her head disintegrated instantly. Her decapitated body managed to remain standing a full three seconds before it keeled over, trailing a waft of smoke from her neck all the way to the deckplates.

Two MACOs arrived in the corridor just as the ship's PA system sounded. "Bridge to Captain Archer."

Archer went over to a comm panel. "Archer here." He said into it.

Reed answered back. "Two Xindhi ships approaching, Sir."

"I'll be right there. Archer out." With that he approached the body. The MACOs were standing near it, waiting for orders.

"She was headed for the airlock." Archer told them. "Let's help her off the ship."

When they were in visual range, the Xindhi watched as ENTERPRISE went to warp as soon as their spy's lifeless corpse cleared the outer airlock door.

* * *

**FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Pop Quiz, Trek Fans: You bring a cute blonde alien with nicer hooters than your Science Officer's onto the ship. You let her romance you and tell you sob stories about her life, then you go merrily about your business while she proceeds to Mind-Suck your crew, put the aforementioned Science Officer into a coma and try to escape with vital information to bring to people trying to Destroy Your Entire Race. When you encounter her in a corridor with a pistol in your hand do you A) Stand there agonizing and listening to her tell you more sob stories long enough for the aforementioned Genocidal Aliens to reach your ship, board your ship, wound more of your crew, grab her and get away, or do you B) OFF THE BITCH?

How hard is this to figure out? She's a spy! She works for the bad guys! All the information she stole is in her head! Do the math and pull the trigger!


	5. Obstacles

**DISCLAIMER:** _Enterprise, Star Trek and all related characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The original characters and events are the sole property of the author and may not be used without permission._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Something else "zippy" said irked me: "If anything you SHOULD write about why the Xindhi are trusting the Sphere Builders to begin with, and what proof they've been given that the humans are going to attack them. That's [the] only thing that's really bothered me this season."

If that's all that bothered you, zippy, then you're hopeless. Star Trek's writers own you, lock, stock and barrel. Worrying about that meant you were thinking exactly the way the writers wanted you to think, so that you wouldn't find the end of the story arc disappointing. After all, given that line of thought, then all Archer had to do to stop the Xindhi was prove that humans are really harmless and the Sphere Builders were the bad guys so that some Xindhi would have doubts about killing humans and then would help the humans and defeat the Sphere Builders and any Xindhi too stupid to learn the lesson--which is pretty much exactly how the arc ended. The writers telegraphed this way the hell back in the first episode with the first Xindhi War Council/Free-For-All. I didn't mention it because this story is about idiocy specific to Star Trek and its writers. The "Make the bad guys realize we mean them no harm so they won't attack us and we can be friends" ploy has been done to death in so many different fiction genres - and, ironically, in Real Life - that mentioning it strictly in the context of "Enterprise" would be a waste of material. And the fact that the Xindhi's initial willingness to throw in with the Sphere Builders was the only thing that seemed odd to you speaks volumes about your Powers of Observation.

Because, you see, while you were busy wondering about - and telling me I should be wondering about - Misplaced Xindhi Loyalty YOU completely missed some more relevant questions, such as "Why does a race that can exist outside normal space-time and create giant spheres that can warp reality need the Xindhi AT ALL to destroy Earth" Why not just drop one of their spheres in Solar orbit and let IT do the job" They can't operate in our space" Then how did they build the other spheres here" They can build the spheres in their space and send them through" So you're saying they can't get one into our Solar System" Destroying Earth by sphere would take too long" The Federation won't even exist for another hundred years, and won't be in the Sphere Builders' way for CENTURIES after that! The one thing they have in abundance is Time! Park a sphere in the same orbit as Earth and there wouldn't be anything us dumb humans could do about it. The Andorians couldn't do anything, the Vulcans wouldn't come near the sucker, the Klingons and Romulans would just LTAO until the effects reached their stars and the Xindhi wouldn't even know about us. Game Over. Sphere Builders 1, Alpha Quadrant 0.

This is my point, zippy - and you read on, too, Helena, if you're still out there. This isn't just about a couple of mistakes of continuity, or science, or technology or action sequences. Star Trek's writers, either by accident or design, have practically abandoned logic and common sense in their efforts, and nowhere is this more evident than in "Enterprise: Season 3." Just to highlight my point a little more for you, let's turn my own little reality-warping sphere on one of the truly stupid episodes.

**"REALITY CHECK", by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE**

**"Obstacles"**

"The nebula is made up mostly of radiolitic particles." Commander T'Pol said.

"Deadly to Humans, and Vulcans I'm afraid." Phlox said as he examined the scanner data. The senior staff was gathered in the Briefing room off the Bridge. Pictured on the display table was a chart of the nebula currently in ENTERPRISE's path.

"It will take weeks to go around." Archer said, a heavy frown on his face. "Even at High Warp. We may not have that kind of time. Can we go through it?"

"I don't see how." Tucker said. "Even with extra shielding in vital areas a lot of that radiation will get through during the trip."

"Didn't I hear somewhere that you used the maintenance space in one of the nacelles to protect the crew from radiation once?" Hayes said.

"Wouldn't work this time." Tucker said. "The crew wouldn't survive with the warp engine on-line, and we'd need to stay at warp to get across this cloud in any decent amount of time."

"Besides," Reed added, "with the extra personnel aboard the entire crew wouldn't fit in one nacelle anyway." The Tactical Officer was secretly proud of himself. It hadn't sounded like a dig when he said it - not _exactly_, anyway.

"What if everyone were in radiation suits?" Sato asked.

"Unfortunately they wouldn't offer enough protection," Phlox said. "And even limited exposure to these levels of radiation might lead to debilitative symptoms..." His voice trailed off, then he looked as if he had an idea "...unless--"

"Why don't we just go over it?" Mayweather said.

His voice got everyone's attention, including Phlox, who didn't seem upset at being interrupted. He'd noticed before that Mayweather had been staring intently at the display table since they'd gathered.

"Over it?" Archer said.

"It's nowhere near as deep or high as it is wide." Mayweather said. He tapped some controls on the display, then everyone looked closely at the image he'd called up. "We pitch up about 20 degrees now and at Warp 4.5 we'll be a thousand kilometers above the nebula by the time we cross the leading edge. We hold that course until we're well clear of the outer layers of the nebula, say about two thousand kilometers up, then resume our base course. That way the detour only takes a few hours, not weeks, and we don't have to spend any significant time exposed to the radiation."

Everyone continued to look at the display, then one by one smiles crossed their faces - except, of course, for T'Pol, who merely raised an eyebrow.

"Okay," Archer said as he looked up at Mayweather. "Let's go over it. Dismissed." With that Archer left the Briefing Room, still smiling. Mayweather was right behind him. The others left in groups of three. Reed, Sato and T'Pol took their places on the bridge while Phlox, Tucker and Hayes made their way to the lift. The Bridge Crew could hear them chuckling all the way.

"'Just go over it.'" Tucker said under his breath between giggles.

"So between you and Archer and T'Pol there's like decades of Engineering and Navigation experience and you couldn't come up with 'Go over it'?" Hayes said.

"The mind is an uncertain tool when under stress, Major." Phlox said. "You wouldn't believe the idea I was going to present."

"C'mon, give!" Tucker said.

The lift doors closed on Phlox's response.

* * *

**FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:** The truly heinous thing about "Doctor's Orders" wasn't that it was a total rip-off of the "Voyager" episode "One". (aka "Jeri Ryan can act! Really she can! (PT. 2)" - PT. 1 was "Voices") It was that one of the things it ripped off was one of the stupidest situations I've ever seen in a sci-fi story. There was absolutely no need to put the entire crew to sleep just to fly the ship through a Radioactive Death Cloud in either case! It amazes me that people who are supposed to be centuries more advanced than us are willing to risk death by radiation poisoning because they can't manage a simple Algebra and Trigonometry problem. To wit: How fast and at what angle do I need to fly the ship so that the cloud misses me High or Low?"

It's a SPACECRAFT, not a CAR! Space is Three-Dimensional! GO OVER IT!


End file.
